Trace closed her eyes tight as she sat in her tram to get back home. She was not able to figure out whether it was numbness or sadness that was lingering over her. It was a decade old relationship. Gary was her bestie, family and the person she would reach out in any situations, be it happiness, grief, funny moments, daily routine – any .. he was her pillar. Past few years, the distance between them had increased, reasons could be many. Busy routine, family, children, work and the usual responsibilities had taken over the time in everyday life. Conversations had reduced, messages had disappeared, sharing life’s matters was occasional, meeting was a far rare possibility. It was difficult to stay as the old times did, but it was even miserable to stay with old times vanishing.
She looked out of the window of the tram. It was dark outside, 7 PM in the evening. Thoughts were quickly appearing and disappearing in her mind. It was like an infinite loop. Gary and she had gone through this discussion multiple times, fighting over it and then agreeing on nothing. They had given their best 10 years in making this relationship and now they were not sure on its own sustainability.
There are cross-roads in our lives where-in we come to a point to whether to hold on or let go. It could be relationships, attachments, jobs, or any. A point is reached where we know the best is already given but yet, it’s not working right. Resentment, bitterness, anger increases creating minute scars in oneself and the opposite. Somewhere subconsciously its holding back the individual’s progress. Multiple choices whether to hang on or let go transpires. We don’t want to let go because it’s a piece of your heart and we don’t want to hold on as it makes one helpless. A difficult decision to make.
As the tram passes by the church, Trace hears the bells ring. There was a soothing calmness in the ringing bells timbre. Isn’t love of anything, is to keep it safe, to keep oneself safe. Isn’t it an absence of resentment, bitterness and anger? Isn’t it a presence of warmth and care? Isn’t it wishing good, together or not together? Isn’t it about taking care of oneself as much as the other? Isn’t it about figuring out the balance of yourself and the other? Isn’t it about letting it go when it is much needed?
In all these questions, Trace found her answer. She got off the tram at her station and smiled to herself, with tears in her eyes and heart. Tears of happiness and sadness …
A decade of best times had come to an end, probably for a better start ….
Smile Always 